I guess you could also select such comedy options as "Sign Rey Ordonez to an extension" in his greatest hits.

Anyways, this was a month ago:

Portfolio.com

Former New York Mets G.M. and current ESPN on-air talent Steve Phillips has a new theory: Thanks to the Mitchell report, drug testing, and overall increased scrutiny, the steroids era is over and teams that play small-ball can thrive.

On the Mike and Mike Show yesterday, Phillips said "at the current pace we're on this season, Major League Baseball would be down over a thousand home runs in 2008 compared to the 2006 season."

Lets take a look at the home runs now:
2006-5386
2007-4957
2008-2134 (4735proj)
DIFF 06/08 (651) DIFF 07/08 (222)

Not quite a thousand anymore eh? MAN I SURE HOPE TEMPERATURE DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING It's warming and catching up to last year, when everyone was injecting horse steroids into their eyeballs.

Since using steroids only means you hit home runs, and never some other wacky power stat like, I dunno, lets check DOUBLES?

At bats per Double/Home Run
2006-18.32/31.07
2007-18.24/33.85
2008-18.73/35.10

Oh you wacky steroids, what won't you do? Like take plate appearances and figure out what a seemingly small change of .005 would do to an entire season!

OBP
2006-.336
2007-.336
2008-.331
(2006PA+2007PA/2 *.336) - (2008PA*.331)
DIFF= 1129 Hits&Walks over the entire season


In other news Mark Prior was eaten by a raccoon.

Labels: IHateU, Inccorect Predictions, steroids

During the course of the spring, many a publication and blog post their annual division winners list. They are always wrong, and boring. Lets try to look at it from another way. Who's going to be fucking horrible?

Pecota Says:
010101010101
NL East- Nationals (Crazy people in the OF)
NL Central- Pirates (CURSE YOUR SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYAL)
NL West- Giants (Old people jokes)
AL East- O's (OH GOD THIS IS NOT 4TH PLACE, HOW CAN THIS BE?)
AL Central- Royals (OZZIE BALL IS COMIN' FOR YOU)
AL West- Mariners (Win % = 1/ 1 + SQ((792/813) = .513 NOT .543)
1101001000 BEEP BOOP

The history of Pecota is shrouded in mystery. Pecota grew up as a TI-81 calculator and was beat up by scrappy Asians who typed 58008 and flipped the number upside down. This is why it hates Ichiro, Pokemon, and intangibles. I agree mostly with this racist evil computer, minus the Mariners. I believe the Rangers are bad enough dudes to save the President from Ninjas, or finish in last. The NL Central should be an exciting 4 way brawl of suck to watch tho!

Labels: IHateU, Inccorect Predictions, Terrible

Providing coverage of terrible baseball teams, and ridiculing everything just doesn't provide the in-depth coverage you need to. Wait why the hell are you reading this? Before anyone posts any predictions on this season, I shall leave you the reader reasons to make fun of me and call me stupid. To do this I will go into a Yahoo League draft and post my heroic story of how I probably finished in 8th place and forgot to set my rotation for 3 weeks on a NyQuil bender.

Pick 5th out of 12
My Yahoo Draft:
1. (5) Chase Utley 2B (A bit high, but I wanted a middle infielder)
2. (20) Travis Hafner Util (Pronk)
3. (29) Joe Mauer C (Solidify the difficult to get positions first)
4. (44) Brandon Webb SP
5. (53) Carlos Delgado 1B
6. (68) Félix Hernández SP
7. (77) Carlos Guillén SS
8. (92) Jered Weaver SP (I hate the Angels)
9. (101) Dan Haren SP (Default Oakland Ace)
10. (116) Jonathan Papelbon RP (Starting but I can sneak him in as a reliever)
11. (125) Hank Blalock 3B (Some bastard took Chavez)
12. (140) Jim Thome Util (12th round, trade bait)
13. (149) J.D. Drew OF
14. (164) Coco Crisp OF
15. (173) Michael Cuddyer 1B,OF
16. (188) Barry Bonds OF (For Josh)
17. (197) Paul Lo Duca C (I thought he was eligible at 1b, oops)
18. (212) Taylor Tankersley RP (Marlins closer)
19. (221) Aubrey Huff 3B,OF (I think he should rebound, position eligible)
20. (236) Joel Piñeiro SP,RP (Possible Sox closer)
21. (245) Seth McClung SP,RP (Possible Devil Rays closer)

Thome in the 12 is retarded. Ridicule away!

~Mike

Labels: Fantasy Baseball, Inccorect Predictions